It’s 81° in Dubai right now, with a low tonight of 73°. Sounds like a great place for a conference, no?

Well, by George, there’s one scheduled – The 2023 United Nations Climate Change Conference or Conference of the Parties of the UNFCCC or COP28 for you hep cats.

And don’t let the UN Secretary General pull your leg for one minute. The only ice melting this dude is gonna worry about will be the brilliantly crystal clear, pristine cube in his exorbitantly expensive adult beverage that someone else is paying for.

It is profoundly shocking to stand on the ice of Antarctica and hear directly from scientists how fast the ice is melting.

The cause is clear: fossil fuel pollution.

Leaders at #COP28 must not let the hopes of people around the world for a sustainable planet melt away. pic.twitter.com/UkQl0ua3NX

— António Guterres (@antonioguterres) November 27, 2023

No penguin poop on that cash floe.

We’ve got to hurry, because it starts tomorrow, but no worries. I’ve heard we can still get a flight.

And I do mean “flight” – I’m not taking any old airliner with stale peanuts. If we’re going to this swanky do, we’re going like John Kerry goes.

Still looking for a private jet charter to COP28?https://t.co/R8RSTLP7fB

— Disclose.tv (@disclosetv) November 28, 2023

The Welsh are going.

😳BBC Wales: interview with the Welsh Minister for Climate Change

Part of her remit? Reducing our impact on the Planet 🌏

I’m saying NOTHING! NOT A WORD! pic.twitter.com/D68BNWXj5n

— Sandra Weeden (@SandraWeeden) November 28, 2023

I think there’s room for a fare welsher or two on at least one of the those jets. I promise not to eat much, and I can rustle up a victim class to belong to at the drop of a hat.

COP28 is about to take place in one of the hottest places at this time of year, Dubai.

70,000 attendees, 1000s of private jets, and a few motorcades for the richest most carbon hungry individuals on Earth, to tell the poorest people they are destroying the planet.

Priceless. pic.twitter.com/Fc584zlwnK

— DD Denslow 🇬🇧 (@wolsned) November 28, 2023

One thing does have me worried. I am hoping these massive hypocrites continue to talk the talk without walking the walk, at least as far as the menu in Dubai goes. If they compose victuals strictly in keeping with what they’re going to be discussing instead of eating a Davos/WEF-style smorgasbord, I’ll be up on that stage so fast giving a lecture on cow farts they’ll never forget. They surely wouldn’t want that.

Get your nanny-state mitts offa my cheeseburger.

The world’s most-developed nations will be told to curb their excessive appetite for meat as part of the first comprehensive plan to bring the global agrifood industry into line with the Paris climate agreement.

“WILL BE TOLD,” whut? You unelected hypocritical humbug party-goers are not the boss of me.

UN Set To Amplify War On Meat At Upcoming COP28 Climate Conferencehttps://t.co/AA3dMI4Pke

— The Federalist (@FDRLST) November 27, 2023

I will fight to the death. And how awfully slick of the oil rich COP28 hosts to deflect their fossil fuel sins off on agriculture,

A third of the world’s food production is at risk from the climate crisis, research has found – but at the same time our food systems are one of the key contributors to climate breakdown. Greenhouse gas emissions from farming and the land use change that often accompanies it, such as clearing forests and drying out wetlands to make room for crops and livestock, amount to more than a fifth of global carbon output, according to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

…Davey said: “For many countries in the wealthier parts of the world – such as the US and the EU – significant reductions in meat and dairy consumption should absolutely be part of the commitments our nations make to addressing the climate crisis. But for other, poorer nations, where rates of per capita meat and dairy consumption are often very low, the main story on food and farming is much more to do with food security, nutrition, adaptation and resilience; a dynamic which the proposed declaration addresses head on.”

It is worth noting that Sultan Al Jaber, the UAE’s minister for advanced technology, as well as the chief executive of its national oil company, Adnoc, and the Cop president designate – a dual role for which he has been heavily criticised – takes a keen interest in food issues. He has told the Guardian in interviews that it is not enough to focus on the emissions from fossil fuels, and that emissions from all sectors, including agriculture and land use change, must be taken into account.

“It’s not only oil and gas that contributes to climate change by the way. And you know that 30% comes from industry, another 30% comes from agriculture. We need to be a little careful here in defining the sources of carbon emissions. So we need to get the world to unite, in solidarity, against carbon emissions. We need to stay focused, laser focused on decarbonisation.”

These people are nuts.

…“From treating cow burps to robotic weeders, none of the false solutions on offer at Cop27 come close to stopping the industrial food production from being an engine of planetary destruction,” said Raj Patel, food justice scholar and author of Stuffed and Starved. “Agribusiness and governments offered a series of patented patches designed not to transform the food system, but to keep it the same.”

COW FARTS ARE PLANETARY DESTRUCTORS

Give a rest, Raj.

And honestly – no one wants to “transform” the food system if your renewable transformation is any example of how well this will go. Another important counterpoint – yes, we want it to stay the same, because “food.”

Also, it makes this man cry bitter tears if I eat a cheeseburger slowly, whilst savoring every juicy, cheesy, condiment packed bite.

And I like that feeling.

It feels like victory.