Consider this your evening palate cleanser, appropriately alcohol- and China-related in light of today’s drink-inducing rollercoaster ride on Wall Street.  Sorry aspirants — this year’s Alcohol Olympics are over, and we have ourselves an undisputed gold medalist. Raise the flag and strike up the band:

We’ve all been stopped at airport security with a forgotten bottle of water, which we can either toss away or drink quickly in front of airport security. But what happens if that liquid is not water, but an entire bottle of European cognac? For airline passenger Miss Zhao, there was only one solution: slam it back at once. Zhao was transferring to a Wenzhou flight at Beijing Airport at noon on August 21 when she was stopped at airport security. A worker told the woman in her forties that she was not able to bring the imported cognac through the security checkpoint in her carry-on. As it was too late to transfer the cognac to her checked-in luggage, Zhao did what any responsible person that hates wasting food would do: she sat down in a corner and drank the entire bottle of cognac herself.

But to paraphrase Hillary Clinton’s top spokesperson, it seems as though Ms. Zhao didn’t quite think this “solution” through:

That created a new security problem though, and it had to do with the bottle of cognac that was now inside her. Zhao started acting wildly and yelling incoherently. Due to her massive inebriation, when Zhao fell to the floor, that’s where she stayed. When police arrived at the scene, they decided not to let her board her flight out of concern that she had become a security risk to others and herself as Zhao was travelling alone. Zhao was taken to a convalescence room and was checked out by a doctor. It wasn’t until 7pm when she sobered up and realized what she had done. Zhao was eventually released by police to her family who had come to Beijing Airport to escort her home.

Look, I know exactly what you’re thinking, and I agree wholeheartedly: Surely Ms. Zhao has conducted herself heroically enough to launch herself onto Deez Nuts’ Vice Presidential shortlist. Eligibility issues aside (at 15, Mr. Nuts himself is two decades too young to be president), Zhao’s epic performance at Beijing airport security ought to be sufficient to earn her a serious look. Plus, her selection would admirably troll the 2016 contest’s most skilled troll:

Trump: We have to uncouple from China http://t.co/8CJdQBU4bo #fortress

— Allahpundit (@allahpundit) August 24, 2015

Alas, Nuts has already announced that he’s leaning heavily toward picking Limberbutt McCubbins, a cat (D-KY), as his running mate.  Nuts recently endorsed Gov. John Kasich and Sen. Bernie Sanders to win their respective parties’ nominations, emphasizing that he endorses himself in the general election.  The high school sophomore is a self-identifying libertarian.  Sources close to the Nuts campaign say several top aides are urging the candidate to reconsider his decision, arguing that balancing the ticket with a hard-drinking 40-something female Chinese national might appeal to several key demographics.  Nuts is polling at eight percent in his native Iowa, and could play the spoiler role for Hillary Clinton in the battleground state of North Carolina: