To cleanse the palate, alternate headline: “Atheists proved right yet again.” Never before have I been more certain that I’ll live to see a Ferris Bueller remake. And never before have I been more certain that that remake will be even more terrible than we collectively imagine.

In a world where anything is possible, including Russell Brand ending up on a list of most influential thinkers, I suppose it’s possible that this movie will be good. In the span of two and a half minutes here, though, I count one “rim job” joke, one “glory hole” joke, and an entire bit devoted to bathing in human sh*t. Plus, the guy playing Rusty is one of the stars of — shudder — “The Hangover.” I think we know what we’re in for. It might have been a fun nostalgia trip, at least, if they’d gotten Anthony Michael Hall back as Rusty, but this is all about easy cash and Ed Helms’s face on the poster will be more recognizable to moviegoers looking for anarchic road-trip idiocy.

Speaking of 80s nostalgia, free advice for “Rusty”: There’s no excuse for flirting with the babe in the other lane when you’re married to Kelly Bundy.