I am only doing this in the interest of fairness because that's the kind of person I am - fair, fair, fair.

Well...and rolling with absolute hilarity that the august fact-checkers at the renowned PolitiFact site would be forced to tweet something this insane.

And I'm dead.

There is no video of Hillary and Bill Clinton eating human flesh with a Haitian gang leader named ‘Barbecue,’ as social media users have claimed. https://t.co/BvOatqA86X

— PolitiFact (@PolitiFact) March 20, 2024

This would be a hot story if any fools but Politifact believed it, particularly the part about it being a Mel Gibson production and all.

A bizarre claim circulating on social media says that actor Mel Gibson released a video of former President Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton eating human flesh with a Haitian gang leader named "Barbecue." 

...The image is accompanied with text that says, "BOMBSHELL: Mel Gibson just released a VIDEO of Bill and Hillary Clinton engaging in C@NNIBALISM with the Haitian C@nnibal Gang Leader named ‘Barbecue!’"  

Cripes. Now I've got to go find this thing, but even Politifact says there's no video at any of the whacko sites claiming there's video.

Come on, girlfriend!

Clintons always recycle and are experts at hiding bones.

— tree hugging s*ster 🎃 (@WelbornBeege) March 20, 2024

This stuff cracks me up. Let's continue, shall we?

It's thoughtful of Politifact to do such a nice job presenting Barbecue as a rational human being, too. Quite a reputation refurbishment on the reprobate. Practically a Renaissance Man who rose from the chicken shack to reign terror on his fellow man.

...And the image of the man holding the gun is Jimmy Chérizier, also known as Barbecue, the leader of Haiti’s powerful G9 Family and Allies gang. 

Some people on social media have suggested that Barbecue’s name is a reference to cannibalism, although there is no evidence he or any Haitian gangs are engaging in the practice. Chérizier told The Associated Press in 2019 that he was given the nickname because his mother sold fried chicken when he was growing up. He was sanctioned by the United Nations in 2022 for alleged human rights abuses. 

See? "Sanctioned," but there's no evidence of cannibalism in Haiti... 

...and lil' Barbecue got his cute nickname because his mom sold fried chicken. That's a #PolitiFACT

QUIT PICKIN' ON BARBEQUE, RACISTS!

Weirdly, this whole Clintons and Haitian cannibals episode, besides leaving one to ponder if Bill is a light or dark meat kinda guy, could well square with the virtuous Left's current rehabilitative efforts to bring cannibalism back into the mainstream. Give it a sheen of acceptability.

Sooo, I recently zinged some antiwoke people for falling for a fake "prejudice against cannibalism is bad" headline, and it turns out that this screenshot was spoofing an actual @newscientist article? oookay then https://t.co/YEwIe1kO6E pic.twitter.com/qlOWhtshKq

— Cathy Young 🇺🇸🇺🇦🇮🇱 (@CathyYoung63) March 20, 2024

Cannibalism is now nothing to lose your head over.

As soon as word surfaced of the chicken lady's son's proclivity for human feasting, woke Science™ went into overdrive, trying to suggest that maybe we shouldn't be so harsh in our judgments. Opinions were not sought from experts on the subject like Michael Rockefeller.

It's impossible to take leftists seriously when cultural relativism is so central to their critique. The same people that argue "microaggressions" mean Western culture is inherently genocidal are the same ones that are like, "second look at cannibalism?" https://t.co/gY1UFXjHKZ

— Mark Hemingway (@Heminator) March 20, 2024

Yes, cannibalism has suffered a stigma for far too long.

Dear Sir, 

I'm glad to hear that your studio audience disapproves of the skit as strongly as I. As a naval officer, I abhor the implication that the Royal Navy is a haven for cannibalism. It is well known that we now have the problem relatively under control. It's now the RAF that suffers the largest casualties in this area...

Who knew Dr. Lector was a trendsetter? By making sure he included Mediterranean Diet elements like fava beans and the resveratrol from chianti, he becomes an advocate for a healthy, sustainable lifestyle in this new, more inclusive era.

Perhaps it is time that serious news organizations, respected Scientists™ around the globe, cultural Experts™, and former world leaders like Bill Clinton bring that once-forbidden subject out of the shadows and into a Le Creuset near you.

We have our guardians of misinformation and folly in the press like Politifact to monitor the truth, so we need not fear, nor be shocked.

What a great time to be alive, no?