Alrighty, then – it’s settled. The only thing to be determined is when exactly the…well. It wasn’t actually a crime, was it?

Let’s just call it an “abduction,” and it might have been a benevolent one at that.

The once lumbering, inarticulate, knuckle-dragging goon-ball stroke victim masquerading as the Junior Senator from Pennsylvania – John Fetterman – has been taken by aliens.

There can be no other explanation for this abrupt and amazing Slingblade to statesman reversal, and I have never once experienced it with another politician who wasn’t already known for blatant pandering.

For crying out loud, his X picture even has him in a suit!

Who IS this debonair doppelgänger?

I remember this past February when the man simply broke down from the pressure and never being allowed to sufficiently recover from his stroke to begin with. Bodies were already starting to jockey for his senate seat.

…Concerns about Fetterman’s health and every last question associated with it were reignited this week when he wound up in the hospital Wednesday after feeling “lightheaded” during a Democratic retreat. It is now [checks watch] Friday, and he just got released late this afternoon.

Before the month was over, Fetterman had checked himself into Walter Reed because of his clinical depression – yet another ailment that had been concealed from voters – where he would remain until being discharged at the end of March.

…Sen. John Fetterman of Pennsylvania has been discharged from Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, his office announced Friday.

Fetterman had been undergoing treatment for clinical depression at Walter Reed since checking himself into the hospital in February at the recommendation of the attending physician of the U.S. Congress.

“I am so happy to be home. I’m excited to be the father and husband I want to be, and the senator Pennsylvania deserves. Pennsylvanians have always had my back, and I will always have theirs,” Fetterman said in a note posted on Twitter by his director of communications. “I am extremely grateful to the incredible team at Walter Reed. The care they provided changed my life. I will have more to say about this soon, but for now I want everyone to know that depression is treatable, and treatment works. This isn’t about politics — right now there are people who are suffering with depression in red counties and blue counties. If you need help, please get help.”

Everyone wondered – and worried – if the big guy was going to make it. In strange and misguided bid to make Fetterman’s life easier, Senate Majority Chuck Schumer “relaxed” the Senate dress code in September to allow Fetterman’s bowling alley chic on the floor during proceedings vice the formerly required business dress.

Needless to say, that exploded…

…and Schumer had to beat a hasty retreat back to business class.

But there was some strange magic happening in the halls as Fetterman was forced to dress like an adult that month.

He started sounding like one – as the full horror of the 7th of October Hamas attacks and atrocities became clearer with each passing day – even to the point of exuding confidence in doing and saying the right thing. The amazing part of it was, he was saying the right thing, all the right things, and flying in the face of the party line when they least expected it.

He has the Israeli hostage photos up inside his office and will not take them down until they are all home.

He has called out Congressional Hamas supporters…

Any congressional Truthers who amplified this lie should admit they were wrong.

It's also become clear that the Hamas cowards are using other hospitals as human shields.

— Senator John Fetterman (@SenFettermanPA) November 28, 2023

…and fellow Pennsylvanians for their activism, hypocrisy, and revolting views.

They could be protesting Hamas. They could be protesting Hamas' systematic rape of Israeli women and girls or demanding the remaining hostages be immediately released.

Instead, they targeted a Jewish restaurant. It's pathetic and rank antisemitism. https://t.co/zDZQwy84g5

— Senator John Fetterman (@SenFettermanPA) December 4, 2023

In the wake of the George Santos brouhaha on the House side, Fetterman’s gone after an indicted (twice now, mind you) fellow senator – Bob Menendez of New Jersey – asking, “Why is he still here?”

Fetterman’s even gone so far as to propose a resolution called the “Resolution Proposing Internal Sanctions for Senators Indicted for Crimes Affecting National Security” in lieu of being able to boot Menendez.

Menendez, as you might imagine, didn’t find Fetterman’s efforts amusing, and snapped back at him through surrogates. To Fetterman’s credit, his name was on it when he flipped the Egyptian Jersey guy off.

Spicy🫢

The latest polling in New Jersey has your approval at 8%.

You're officially less popular than cold sores. https://t.co/loajGroM8a

— Senator John Fetterman (@SenFettermanPA) November 2, 2023

He’s also taken a very public swat at Golden Boy Newsom.

This is not to say he still isn’t a raving socialist, because he is. For sure – all the boxes still ticked.

But it IS to say I don’t know what’s happened to the guy who was senator before October 7 and I don’t really care. I can honestly say while I felt for that fellow, I didn’t care for him at all, nor would I – nor had I – ever agreed with a thing that came out of his mouth. Not once. He seemed the prototypical tool and fool of the Dem party machine driven along by an ambitiously manipulative wife, who would hide behind silence if that’s what was needed to stay in everyone’s good blue graces.

This guy now?

I’ve been “Well done, dude-ing” to my great surprise. And what a pleasant, refreshing change.

As some wag on X said, “It’s got to be the first time a stroke ever fixed a brain.”

John Fetterman using his hoodie strings to tie an Israeli flag onto himself as a cape is the most bipartisan act I’ve ever seen from a Senator. pic.twitter.com/JNcdA3GOfv

— Kate Hyde (@KateHydeNY) November 14, 2023

I’ll take it. They can keep the original wherever he is.

This copy is far from perfect but it is a huge step up.

I wonder if we can make them a Christmas list of suggested swaps and leave it somewhere?

Worth a shot. Stranger things have happened.