As if I “don’t get up every morning and curse them first thing,” you all are thinking, right?

That’s so unfair. I’m not that bad.

But I do have to admit, there are days like these when I’m not thinking renewables, wind turbines, solar or subsidies at all, and danged if they don’t pop out of the woodwork and smack me right upside the head.

Like this infuriating – and that’s the only word – email I got from Florida Power & Light. It’s chirpy, it’s Green, and it’s kinda pissing me off the more I think about it.

FPL: EV charging at home. Act now

Act now! Sucked me right in, so I opened it and holy smokes..

YGTBFKM

As a rate paying customer, I immediately choked, especially when thinking of the “July in Florida” sized electric bill that will be hitting in a day or two. And here comes FP&L handing out not only free charging stations – which I can kind of understand as far as grid stability goes might be a really wise decision – but plugging your EV in basically adds bupkiss to your household tab?

I am not a fan already.

Let’s get into the program a bit. Is there a catch? Something tricksy to make it a tad more palatable to those of us paying the full freight for our electrical needs…ALL of them?

It would appear the “unlimited” charging is for nights and weekends (Now, I have to admit, I got a bit of a giggle out of that. Isn’t that dead-on just like the first cell-phone plans?). But, hello – when else would you most likely be charging your EV? Not the middle of the afternoon. And, again – I’m paying for my night and weekend electricity for everything that beeps, boops, or glows in my house. Haven’t ever gotten a break for consistently paying on time, either. Just rate hikes.

The $38mth for a newly installed charger requires a 10 year commitment, as does the $31mth deal. There’s a cancellation fee for ending the agreement earlier, which I can only hope would be pretty hefty.

Well, huh.

That could be the “tricksy” part. I know very few people who keep a vehicle (other than weirdo hoarders like ourselves) for even long enough to pay it off, less mind a decade. And I am wondering about EV longevity in general, as those limits have yet to be tested on any large scale. Nowhere does it say it has to be the same EV, just that it has to be one, so if you swap out for something better or more suited to your needs EV-wise, you’d still be in good shape provided charging hardware hadn’t changed. That’s a guess on my part, there.

In the spirit of saving the planet, I will try to keep a straight face and announce that I’m delighted to know my reliable electricity bill paying is also subsidizing the free installation and maintenance of said personal charging station. What a nice perk.

✔ $38 per month
✔ Includes level 2 smart charger
✔ Charger installation and permitting of required 240-volt circuit1
✔ No upfront costs for equipment or installation
✔ On-bill payment
✔ Worry-free maintenance – we ensure chargers are working at optimal performance
✔ Easily adjust pre-programmed charging settings to meet your charging needs
✔ Yours to keep after the 10-year program term
✔ Cancel any time – subject to a cancellation fee
✔ Powered by 100% renewable energy

No. No, I won’t. It’s not enough these EV peoples pay no road taxes – I have to pay for their charging station now, too?

So many #feelz good bennies for the EV owner.

Lovely.

Makes me exceedingly cranky.

I want my bennies, too. Where’s MY bennies?