Oh, I should have said “vegans,” but they’re all related.

As our figurehead vegetable (vegetable figurehead?) makes his way to Britain to meet with the new monarch whose coronation he couldn’t be bothered to attend, students at one of Britain’s premier institutions of higher learning have made a similarly baffling move.

The eminent young scholars matriculating in this prestigious university have voted, with all their years of accumulated wisdom – so…NONE – to take all the available student cafes and canteens vegan.

As in ALL of them.

Cambridge University students vote to remove all animal products from catering service

The University of Cambridge’s student union has voted to initiate talks with the University Catering Services about removing all animal products from its menus. Representatives of the union are backing plans to switch to a plant-based menu for the university.

Around 70 per cent of student representatives voted in favour of the motion following a four-week consultation process. William Smith, 24, from Plant-Based Universities Cambridge said: “It’s great that Cambridge Students’ Union has passed our motion to work with the University to implement a just and sustainable plant-based catering system.

“By removing animal products from its menus, the University could significantly reduce its environmental impact and showcase to the world its commitment to sustainability. The University Catering Services has already made important strides, for example in 2016 when it removed beef and lamb from all its menus.

No wonder they’re such pasty-faced, constantly miserable freaks. They haven’t been able to get a cheeseburger at school for 7 years – although, granted, British cheeseburgers generally suck. I thought I was going to be poisoned by the one, mealy textured Wimpie burger I had (They should be shot for advertising “American-style” cheeseburgers. Lured me right in during a weak moment.).

How could one be denied a shepherd’s pie? IN ENGLAND?!

They’ve all lost their minds.

And this entire “sustainable” nonsense – ludicrosity. Plant-based everything. They’ve even removed piscine choices they’ve determined aren’t meeting a “sustainable” metric – I’ll bet there’s plenty of poo-eating tilapia on that menu. *barf*

Well, one medical doctor who is, in fact, a consultant virologist and a lecturer at that very same Cambridge, is warning that these trend setting seed suckers may, indeed, lose what little sense they had left shifting to all weeds and seeds all the time.

I’m anticipating he won’t be very popular for raining on the parade of the moment, and bully for him.

…As a doctor I find this worrying on many levels. Freedom of choice aside, I’m married to a GP who tells me that she regularly sees young people – especially girls – who have embraced faddy diets, including veganism. As a result, they end up tired, anaemic and underperforming. Is this the outcome we want at one of the world’s best universities?

The irony that they’ve chosen to announce this at a time when some supermarkets are rationing cucumbers, lettuces and tomatoes probably hasn’t escaped the majority either.

Nevertheless, many are justifiably more concerned that such basic decisions are being made for them. There’s also the gross assumption that a comprehensive vegan diet for all is a good and healthy idea, and automatically addresses the climate biodiversity crises. Clearly the students advocating for this are not studying natural sciences, else they would be better versed in the discoveries of a former Cambridge meat-eating academic and founding father of evolution, Charles Darwin.

I’m paraphrasing, but the insight of this great biologist was that selective pressure from the environment moulds a population to make it the best fit for the space it inhabits. We, and our human ancestors, have been evolving in this way for millions of years. The structures of our teeth, and those of our close animal relatives, speak volumes on this, telling us that we are adapted to consume a range of foodstuffs, including meat, and not just nuts, quorn and quinoa.

Consequently, our bodies rely on some sources of micronutrients that we just cannot get in reliable quantities from non-animal sources.

So eschewing a whole raft of foodstuffs that we are genetically dependent upon is like feeding tofu to a tiger and expecting it to lap it up and be happy and healthy. It won’t.

I can hear the howls of outraged pronouns from here. They’ll be storming his office next, flinging bags of birdseed.

STAND FAST, PROFESSOR

The gang of whack-jobs the kiddies have behind them pushing their shift into bad teeth, bad breath, and honey-combed bone structure is an offshoot of every other lunatic enviro-whacko group we’ve repeatedly profiled here.

A spawn of Extinction Rebellion is exactly who I’d consult were I interested in responsibly changing up my entire university’s campus food program. It’s hard to imagine more totally legit players in the “all things Nutritional Science™” department.

And since when do the inmates dictate the entire scope of food choices on campus?

It was a different Cambridge a mere decade ago, and would it were so today.

11 years ago Cambridge University had some different ideas than they do now! I wonder if this kind of content would still be possible these days!#carnivorediet #carnivore #keto #lowcarb #paleo @SBakerMD @JayneReesBuxton @fleroy1974 @bigfatsurprise https://t.co/fvvWsnExAT pic.twitter.com/3eK6pHjmor

— TheFa(c)tHunter (@DimitriRadoux) March 25, 2023

Alas.

Even a few years can mean a sea change in attitudes no matter where you are.

Po-tay-to, po-tah-to

King Charles wondering what the heck Biden is staring at before ushering him across the lawn. pic.twitter.com/xeTYneUjg0

— Citizen Free Press (@CitizenFreePres) July 10, 2023

Let’s call the whole thing off.

OMG, please.