Alright, alright – I’ll admit it.

The very second I heard this yesterday – without hearing “who” – I knew exactly who was involved and my eyeballs involuntarily rolled so far back in my head, I had to scoop them back to the front with two serrated grapefruit spoons.

That hurt. The Smolletts…excuse me…the Harkles shouldn’t be allowed to do that to people.

What makes me feel warm and fuzzy is that it seems to have been a pretty universal reaction, and, sadly for the script as written by the Sussexes, they placed their dramatic set piece in the heart of New York City.

That may make for a wonderful movie location, but, in reality, it means there are literally hundreds of thousands of people who know what that area is like at that time of evening. Worse, there could well be literally thousands who saw what actually happened, maybe even have video, and are – how do I say this politely? Unfiltered and unimpressed by one’s status when giving their version of events on the ground.

If New Yorkers have a chance to call BS on someone’s fabulism, they won’t miss the shot. They will relish it.

For instance, pointing out what should be an obvious inconsistency right off the bat – a high speed, careening, constant near-miss car chase involving multiple vehicles driving recklessly around midtown Manhattan…for TWO HOURS?!

Never happened. It can’t happen. Even on Law & Order, it doesn’t happen, and that is fiction, too.

There’s old ladies who walk faster than traffic moves in Manhattan.

— David Marcus (@BlueBoxDave) May 17, 2023

But gracious! The dramatic reading!

…The trio left the event in an SUV around 10 p.m., and were immediately followed by around 12 paparazzi, we’re told.

They eventually decided to ditch their original vehicle and jump into a yellow cab in hopes of evading photogs, a source claims.

The insider alleges that one cameraman hit a car while another almost ran over an NYPD officer during the “near-fatal” chase.

There were allusions to the trauma of Harry’s mother, Princess Diana, and her death as a result of a paparazzi chase. Besides speed, there were two main contributing factors to Diana’s accident. The first was the fact that the Mercedes driver, Henri Paul, was doing 121mph into a Paris tunnel and drunk. Dude was lit.

…Analysis indicated that Mr Paul had 175 milligrammes of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood, compared with the legal limit of 50 milligrammes per 100 millilitres. The level equates to his having drunk more than a bottle of wine.

Under French law, blood-alcohol levels of between 50 and 80 milligrammes per 100 millilitres are regarded as a misdemeanour; levels over 80 are a crime.

The driver for these Madcaps in Manhattan…not so much. He seems like a pretty level-headed fellow, while blowing a hole in their adventure tale.

BREAKING FOOTAGE 🚨🚨🚨

We have video confirmation of the Cab Driver saying there was NOTHING NEAR CATASTROPHIC OR DANGEROUS about the whole situation. #HarryandMeghan BUSTED! #TomorrowsPapersToday

pic.twitter.com/vVbPhCj0W0

— Evans E. 🏳️‍🌈⚧ 👨🏿‍🏫 #KingCharles'Angel (@jomilleweb) May 17, 2023

Then there’s the other fact that the only person to survive the Paris tunnel wreck was, coincidentally, the only person wearing a seat belt. Another lesson Harry hasn’t learned.

Hey! You don’t win the #DumbPrince crown for nothing!

#DumbPrince would also apply to swapping a big, safe, security SUV with blacked out windows…

Meghan and Harry are so ridiculous with their security 😆 (Women of Vision Award in NYC) pic.twitter.com/Ipk3MkolrG

— Jerseydeanne (@jerseydeanne) May 16, 2023

…for a random cab where everyone could see who was insid…oh.

No seatbelts worn during Manhattan's car chase of the decade, look at the fear in their eyes! 🙄 #CarCrash #DumbPrince #MeghanMarkleExposed #MeghanMarkleisaLiar #DumbPrince #DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife #MeghanMarkleGlobalLaughingstock #MeghanMarkleIsAConArtist pic.twitter.com/mrkLRTToFx

— It’s Reg. (@FourAdamThirty) May 17, 2023

RIGHT

Telling time isn’t a strong suit for these two grifters either, but when you believe the world should revolve around you, I guess that’s an occupational hazard. I’d make allowances for being terrified, if the whole thing hadn’t been so obviously contrived to begin with.

“Two hours” when it was, in reality, twenty minutes. To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to.

I am delighted that New York Police Department assets weren’t actually tied up with these posers for hours. They have enough to do without babysitting this ilk. I am also tickled pink NYPD is gently correcting the narrative…

…as well as both the company the contract photographers work for and Eric Adams, mayor of NYC.

There’s another angle to this episode which is not as funny as being simply money grubbing publicity hounds falling flat in a blatant attempt to exploit an evening out for their own benefit, although money and their pursuit of it with the least effort might well be at the heart of this.

Harry doesn’t have a job. His daddy pulled Harry’s U.K security as he voluntarily no longer works for the Royal Family, President Trump pulled the U.S. security normally afforded a working royal as Harry no longer works, Canada wouldn’t foot the bill for his guards (which is, besides her ego, one of the reasons they moved here), so…? Who foots the bill Harry doesn’t think he should pay?

The artful blue todger employment dodger believes U.S. taxpayers owe him and the missus that 24/7 hot shot security detail.

…I suspect two things.

First, Harry likely seeks to use this incident to bolster his case for greater privacy against uncomfortable media attention. Harry and Meghan revel in positive media coverage and high-profile engagements such as that which they attended on Tuesday evening. At the same time, they demand protection from the less fun privileges granted to the public by the First Amendment. While Harry and Meghan are highly litigious in their approach to the U.K. media, they cannot apply that same strategy to the U.S. media by virtue of America’s far freer speech laws, laws that Harry has described as “bonkers.”

Second, Harry may well hope that this incident will provide him with an excuse to have his U.S. government Diplomatic Security Service detail restored. That security detail was pulled by the Trump administration following criticism from some, myself included, that a nonactive U.K. royal was being provided an expensive U.S. government protection. The advantage for Harry, however, is that a DSS detail would allow him to move without the need to suffer paparazzi pursuit and pesky traffic laws. Regardless, the already greatly overstretched DSS does not have the resources to support a full-time detail for Harry. Evincing his preference for government-provided security, Harry has engaged in legal action with the U.K. government over its removal of his Metropolitan Police service protection team.

That should really get your goat. The same spoiled snot who wants the 1st Amendment shut down because people speak freely wants you to pay for him to stay here safely to lecture you about it, and seems willing to stage a royal bleach bottle, Subway sammich, and noose incident to achieve it.

Delightfully, Harry and Meghan’s wild adventure is turning into a royal kind of a pile-on rather than the catastrophic near pile-up they thought everyone would fall for.

In the middle of Manhattan.

Woof.

#DumbPrinceAndHisStupidWife has gotten everyone looking at them. But we’re laughing.