Researchers may have come up with a way to give cancer to rats.

Or they may have uncovered a cautionary warning about the long-term dangers of cell phone radiation to humans.

Radiation is one of those automatically scary things because, like sharks creeping up on your dangling legs in the water, you can’t see the danger coming. Radiation has to be scary, right? Otherwise, why would the dentist cover you with a lead blanket just to photograph your teeth?

So, there have been numerous scares in recent years about the accumulated health impacts of radiation from the communication devices that millions of us hold in our hands for long periods, frequently put by our ears for long periods  and carry in shirt pockets next to our chests for long periods.

There’s even widespread concern about cell phone addiction, which of all the potential addictions out there seems like one of the lesser concerns to undergo weeks of rehab.

Researchers on such things assembled recently to review the data and share observations.

They agreed there’s clear evidence that long-term exposure of rats to cell phones resulted in cancer in their hearts.

“While a given animal is not making a cellphone call,” admitted Dr. Devra Davis of the  Environmental Health Trust, “they are throughout their short two-year lifetime getting the same exposure that we expect people to get in their 70-plus years of life.” Those rats must be texting more than even teenagers.

Kevin Mottus of the California Brain Tumor Association said many pending lawsuits against cell phone-makers are eagerly awaiting such scientific findings as evidence of the devices’ health dangers.

And critics claim the possible dangers are only likely to increase with the impending arrival of the even more powerful 5G cell phone technology.

“It’s the responsibility of the ones making the phones to make them as safe as possible,” said Dr. Annie Sasco, “and I’m sure they can do better than what we actually have.”

For now, critics suggest users avoid carrying cell phones in their breast pocket and hold the device away from their ear while talking.

What?

I said, HOLD IT AWAY FROM YOUR EAR LIKE THIS.

I am, but now I can’t hear you.

WHAT?