Move over, Florida Man. You may be facing some competition from Hollywood Guy. I really shouldn’t be making jokes about this because the story turns out to be quite tragic, but it’s also pretty stupid. The “guy” in question is Samuel Bond Haskell, the son of a Hollywood executive who reported his wife and his inlaws missing recently. But as it turned out, they weren’t really missing at all. He had killed them (allegedly) and chopped up their bodies. Then, demonstrating that he might not have thought his plan through very well, he went out and attempted to hire some migrant workers to come dispose of the carnage in garbage bags. But they caught on to what was happening and bailed out on him. He was later caught on video dumping the body parts out of the back of his Tesla into a dumpster. He has now been arrested and put behind bars. (LA Times)

The son of a Hollywood executive arrested after he allegedly tossed body parts into a dumpster in Encino was charged Monday with three counts of murder in connection with the disappearance of his wife and in-laws, prosecutors said.

The Los Angeles County district attorney’s office filed three special circumstances murder counts against Samuel Bond Haskell in the killing of his wife Mei Haskell and her parents, Yanxiang Wang and Gaoshen Li.

Haskell last Tuesday tried to get day laborers to remove bags from his Tarzana home with what they realized were body parts and, when that failed, he was caught on video dumping them out of the back of his Tesla in Encino, authorities said.

The investigation has revealed that after allegedly chopping up his wife (the inlaws haven’t been located yet), Haskell drove around until he found some migrant day laborers looking for work. He offered them $500 to haul away some things for him. He initially told them that the bags were full of rocks, but they didn’t believe him, saying the contents felt more like “meat.”

After they refused to take the assignment, Haskell apparently loaded up what was left of his wife’s body in a suitcase and unloaded it into a dumpster outside of a strip mall in Encino. He did that at 4:45 in the afternoon in broad daylight. Someone else saw the suitcase and attempted to retrieve it, notifying the authorities after discovering the gruesome contents.

Haskell is currently being held without bail pending a hearing on Friday. This disproves my assumption that there is no crime you can commit in the Los Angeles area and be locked up as a result. Apparently, there is a line you can’t cross. It’s just a very distant line.

This is pure speculation on my part, but I’m assuming this must have been a situation that got out of control very quickly, leading to a triple murder. When the police arrived at Haskell’s home, they found “blood and other evidence consistent with killing and dismemberment.” Anyone with a plan would have made some effort to clean up the crime scene, right? And if you have to get rid of a dismembered body on short notice, you wouldn’t just hand it to a stranger in a garbage bag and offer them some cash to make it go away.

Florida Man, meet Hollywood Guy. Unfortunately, Hollywood Guy seems a lot more dangerous and his stupidity didn’t catch up with him until after three people had died horribly. (Again… allegedly.)