Among the most iconic images in the world of collegiate rowing and sculling is the history of the regattas launching from Harvard’s twin boathouses on the banks of the Charles River, with the Newell boathouse being used primarily for the men’s team and Weld Boathouse being for the female athletes. (Wait… isn’t that transphobic or gender-exclusionary or something? How do they know which rowers are women?) But the bottom line is that the legendary boathouses are reserved for the exclusive use of Harvard students or staff, along with visiting competitors and distinguished guests.

That may be about to change, however. The boathouses are currently undergoing extensive renovations, requiring the usual permits from the local government. But the process has run into a snag because a nonprofit environmental group has filed a protest, saying that before the renovations continue, Harvard needs to agree to allow the public to access these historic waterfront facilities. And they would appear to have the law on their side, though nobody seems to have noticed that pesky detail over the past century or more. Harvard, for its part, appears aghast at the idea but is generously willing to offer some “other accommodations” for the unwashed masses further up the river. (Boston Globe)

For more than a century, Harvard has enjoyed a valuable perk along the banks of the Charles River: full private access to the waterfront at its two historic boathouses, where rowers can launch boats without interference from the general public.

But a nonprofit environmental group says it’s time for that special treatment to end.

The Charles River Watershed Association is urging the state to make Harvard go back to the drawing board on its plans to refurbish the sloped wooden decks at the Newell and Weld boathouses — which were built at the turn of the 20th century and are home to the men’s and women’s crew teams — and find a way to let people other than Harvard students and personnel use those sections of riverfront property.

The legal angle being taken by the Charles River Waterfront Association is fairly simple. The Massachusetts Public Waterfront Act, or Chapter 91, says that the waterfront along the river must be accessible to the public for typical recreational purposes and that any “private uses of tidelands and waterways [must] serve a proper public purpose.” As such, they feel that a permit for renovations should not be granted unless the public is offered access to the boathouses.

Harvard was obviously horrified at the prospect of the commoners traipsing around the hallowed halls of their historic boathouses for the well-heeled. The university responded by saying that public restrictions are necessary to “safeguard its collection of valuable boating equipment” and to “keep people from entering student locker rooms and bathrooms.”

How is that argument helping them counter the obvious, snooty attitude on display? Are they suggesting that members of the public might steal or damage their “valuable boating equipment?” (What? Are you suggesting there might be criminals in the area?) And since when are we restricting access to locker rooms or bathrooms? Once again, that reeks of transphobia and exclusionary practices.

This is like something straight out of that scene from the Mel Brooks movie History of the World Part 1, where Count de Monet tells the king that the peasants are revolting. (Okay… he actually said “the people” are revolting, but you get the drift.) “You said it! They stink on ice!”

Harvard’s “compromise” solution is truly something to behold. They are offering to construct “a public dock elsewhere at the river’s edge.” Notice that they are not offering to build a grandiose boathouse for the commoners. They will help “fund” a “public dock.” That should be good enough for the unwashed masses, right? But doesn’t that simply smack of “Separate but Equal?” We’ll rebuild our historic boathouses and you lot can take your filthy ragamuffins to jump off of this collection of boards we’ll nail down near the river in a less visible location.

When will the protests against this obvious elitist decree begin? Where are the crowds chanting “my river, my choice?” When will New York’s Attorney General launch an investigation into the oppressive and unfair practices of Harvard that will no doubt disproportionately impact the lives of communities of color, LGBT swimmers or rowers, and the underserved, impoverished masses?

Oh, that’s right. Nobody will go after Harvard because the powers that be in that institution toe the correct political line. The double standards on display are simply appalling.