Where, oh where would we be in times of crisis like this without our favorite Hollywood celebrities jumping into the national conversation to offer us comfort and contribute their own scientific analysis of our best options? Enter Woody Harrelson, star of Cheers and some zombie movies. He may just have this whole coronavirus thing figured out and if he’s right, we’ve been chasing our own tails this whole time. No wonder everyone is claiming the response was “botched” from the beginning. It turns out that the virus was never the problem to begin with. It’s the new 5G communications system and the radiation those new towers are giving off. (New York Post. And…Spoiler alert: The 5G signals have nothing to do with this.)

Former “Cheers” TV star Woody Harrelson recently posted a report “about the negative effects of 5G” and its supposed role in the coronavirus pandemic to his more than 2 million Instagram followers.

“I haven’t fully vetted it I find it very interesting,” he wrote of the report claiming “5G radiation” is “exacerbating” the contagion’s spread and making it more lethal.

That post got 25,500 likes — while a later one of a video showing Chinese campaigners attacking phone towers there got viewed more than 300,000 times.

Harrelson isn’t the only one. Rap singer M.I.A. was recently tweeting about her fears over what 5G signals are doing to everyone.

Look, anyone who has been reading this site for more than a few weeks knows that I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, if not more. Particularly if it involves the Pentagon and UFOs. (And just for the record, yes… the CIA killed James Forrestal, the nation’s first Secretary of Defense.) But this whole 5G mania is a bridge too far even for me.

Even if you’re harboring some suspicions about this, how exactly would that work? We’ve had cell phone towers up and operating for decades now without any noticeable effect on the general population that I’ve heard of. You mean we suddenly struck upon a new frequency that somehow magically causes viruses to begin morphing into deadly new combinations that are lethal to humans? (Huh. Now that you put it that way… No, Jazz! Stop it!)

In any event, Harrelson is actually correct about one thing. People in the U.K. really are burning down cell phone towers. Mast fires were reported in in Belfast, Liverpool and Birmingham. And the British government is getting pretty upset about it.

We have received several reports of criminal damage to phone masts and abuse of telecoms engineers apparently inspired by crackpot conspiracy theories circulating online. Those responsible for criminal acts will face the full force of the law.
The facts ⬇️https://t.co/QWYcc4bOEg

— DCMS (@DCMS) April 5, 2020

Please people, just stop and think about what you’re doing for a moment. We’re in the middle of a crisis. Sick people are trying to reach out for help. First responders are rushing around trying to reach patients to the point where they are exhausted. And you’re burning down the telecom towers? It’s hard enough to get a signal in most rural areas as it is.

If you keep this nonsense up, the Men in Black will be coming for you and they don’t mess around. Trust me on this. They’ve been monitoring my house for years.