Good question: How is Charlie Sheen surviving the sexual assault purge?

This article at the Daily Beast actually brings up an interesting and completely valid point which had me questioning my own reactions to recent news items. When all of the stories about sexual assault and harassment in Hollywood began breaking in a flood, I started wondering to myself who some other likely suspects might be. Granted, I’m not coming at this from a well informed position because I really don’t follow entertainment industry news. (I didn’t know Harvey Weinstein’s name until this story broke.)

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I’d been scratch my head and wondering about some of the more well known actors and thought of a few possibilities. For no reason whatsoever Jeff Goldblum kept coming to mind. But you know who I honestly didn’t think of even once? Charlie Sheen. He just never popped up on my mental radar. Why? Mandy Stadtmiller has a theory.

With every day bringing new and more salacious allegations against Hollywood elite—and celebrity Twitter profiles going dark, private or disappearing entirely—there is one accused man who seems to survive no matter what. This is what he has always done. Because he is Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen is on a drug called Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen doesn’t answer to consequences the way the rest of us do. No, instead, it’s fodder for a Comedy Central Roast. It’s an opportunity for a new F/X series. It’s prime real estate on TMZ.com.

Perhaps it’s time America just gave up and admitted it: Charlie Sheen is our nation’s crazy, self-destructive, sometimes violent clown. Now, as a tabloid report in The National Enquirer emerges accusing him of raping the deceased actor Corey Haim three decades ago, it’s a reprehensible allegation, to be sure, and one vehemently denied by the actor, but it’s not a career-ending one. Because nothing seems to be for Charlie Sheen.

Okay, as far as the National Enquirer story goes, that’s not being supported by any evidence… at least yet. And not for nothing, but this is the National Enquirer we’re talking about. They’ve broken a couple of big stories over their history, it’s true, but those were rare exceptions. And since Sheen is denying it, it remains “alleged.” (Plus, Corey Haim’s mom is saying the story is nonsense.)

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Even more so, Sheen almost earns some credibility if he’s flatly denying doing something horrible because Sheen never denies anything. He just owns it, sputters something about Tiger DNA or Adonis blood and goes back home to whatever collection of strippers or adult film actresses he’s living with now. It would also be kind of hard to identify if or when Charlie Sheen had sexually assaulted someone because, at least based on the tawdry tales told by some his former paramours, pretty much everything he’s done with women might be confused for assault even if they had completely consented.

The other twist here is the fact that Corey Haim was a boy. I’m obviously no expert to begin with, but if Charlie Sheen is gay then I’ve completely given up on trying to play guessing games as to who might or might not be gay. Then again, I said the same thing about Kevin Spacey, so what do I know?

But let’s leave the tabloids out of it. Just in terms of the raw number of women Sheen proudly claims to have been with, what are the odds that he never began getting handsy with somebody without their consent? What if nobody comes forward? This might be a sign of how incredibly messed up the entire Left Coast culture is if it turns out that Charlie Sheen was the good guy. Yes, he has a history of alleged violence and threats of violence, but that’s primarily been “beating people up” type violence (or holding knives to their throats and in at least one case shooting two women with a .22), not sexual assault.

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Or maybe he has been guilty of sexual assault but he just gets away with it because it seems to pale in comparison to everything else he’s done? That seems to be the general theory being put forward by Stadtmiller. Charlie is, “being the party boy and whatnot of Hollywood.” It’s all really a shame, but what’re you gonna do, right? I mean… it’s Charlie Sheen. He may have just outcrazied the rest of the class to the point where everyone is just too exhausted to talk about it anymore.

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