I am old enough to remember when Donald Trump was sure to sell the country out because some foreigners might stay in hotels with his name on them.
It was a serious national security threat, not to mention a violation of the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause.
Ah, good times! We were all so innocent back then.
These days we have all matured and understand that Vice Presidents and Presidents need to be realistic and plan for their families’ futures by selling US economic and foreign policy decisions to corrupt foreigners.
How else will our children be able to keep going on benders filled with hookers and blow? Ukrainian businessmen and the Chinese Communist Party pay better than the US Taxpayers.
Americans need a president who loves his family more than anything else and is willing to abuse his power to ensure that his felonious children can purchase the finest Columbian marching powder and crystal meth and make time and babies with the most attractive hookers and strippers.
Are you opposed to filial love? Monster!
Thank God CNN, MSNBC, and all the MSM have helped the country mature into a more cosmopolitan and forward-thinking society.
Of course, those rules only apply to right-thinking people, by which I mean Left-thinking people. The old rules apply to the rubes who don’t know enough about the real world to make the right decisions, such as killing babies, sterilizing children, distributing pornography, and censoring wrongthink.
If you find these standards confusing, don’t worry. You are in the Rube category and should just follow the commands conveniently shouted at you by the MSM. It will work out fine. Trust them.
Quit thinking and enjoy your popcorn-flavored crickets. They are tasty and have a lot of protein.
The REAL news from the Babylon Bee
Trudeau's Divorce Leaves Nation In Shock That He Was Married To A Woman https://t.co/oyNlHefJwC pic.twitter.com/SexAH4k5mX
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 5, 2023
FBI Sends In Heavily Armed Tactical Team To Unscrew Incandescent Light Bulb https://t.co/p9DG92AKoF pic.twitter.com/xm8v9FRaUW
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 5, 2023
Are You At A Nursing Home Or The U.S. Senate Chamber? 9 Clues To Look For https://t.co/Mrtmf1Lc1v pic.twitter.com/uWxQauOTIr
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 5, 2023
Biden Makes Things Up To 7th Grandchild By Appointing Her Head Of Ukrainian Shell Company https://t.co/kEIcp2X60J pic.twitter.com/TkucIdCmW5
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 5, 2023
BLM Scrambles To See If They Can Make Any Money Off This https://t.co/Or7Ba1LING pic.twitter.com/1QF0qfRO1o
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 5, 2023
Library Kids Excited To Hear Story Read By Mysterious New Drag Queen Kirkdazzle Glameroni https://t.co/fRWNSMCluk pic.twitter.com/7otyl4szug
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 4, 2023
Tiny Texas Border Town Really Sorry To Hear About New York City Struggling With A Few Thousand Migrants https://t.co/nTTPqK44nW pic.twitter.com/zMIDqsgqPX
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 4, 2023
Trump Charged With Questioning Election Results While Not Being A Democrat https://t.co/8wfrHS0B1u pic.twitter.com/dgHY4LjTbr
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 4, 2023
White House Says Bidenomics So Successful The Average American Has Twice As Many Jobs As They Had Two Years Ago https://t.co/faUsqHzX6p pic.twitter.com/7TlkkASuym
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 4, 2023
Alex Jones Ordered To Pay Frog Community $4.1 Million For Calling Them Gay https://t.co/PGdhYOxH4j pic.twitter.com/0iaQGh6TW5
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 4, 2023
Time-Traveling Mayan Priest Horrified By America’s Abortion Numbers https://t.co/3ib0eCwtoe pic.twitter.com/KQyRQba8bF
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 4, 2023
'The U.S. Is Not A Banana Republic,' Says Biden While Showing Off Cool New Uniform https://t.co/j45I57YAN6 pic.twitter.com/mJJ9Fa4p02
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 3, 2023
Governor Of State People Are Fleeing From Agrees To Debate Governor Of State They Are Fleeing To https://t.co/3gmsv3E3n0 pic.twitter.com/Gpz4CsWxsZ
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 3, 2023
Wife Calms Down After Wise Counsel From Husband https://t.co/86GdgbxBFW pic.twitter.com/NIr4hV7BUH
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 3, 2023
Jonah Recounts Story Of Being Tossed Into The Sea And Swallowed By Lizzo https://t.co/AcSsUWNsFr pic.twitter.com/uDDHht5VvC
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) August 2, 2023
Your weekly dose of cuteness
I'm not done yet..🐈🐾🍼😅 pic.twitter.com/Z8v6BybpZn
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) August 5, 2023
Cute stalkers..wait for it..😅³ pic.twitter.com/G15b8t0cEn
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) August 6, 2023
Kitty cat generator…😅 pic.twitter.com/PZzbycN2Z8
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) August 6, 2023
When you leave your dog alone for a minute.. 😅 pic.twitter.com/FcDzckCzus
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) August 2, 2023
— why you should have an animal (@shouldhaveanima) July 25, 2023
Trump does Seinfeld
Whoever made this is a genius. 😂😂😂
Trump talking about straws like the beginning of a Seinfeld episode… pic.twitter.com/qdLCI4Bw8W
— Tim Young (@TimRunsHisMouth) August 3, 2023
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