I think we can all agree that some vanity license plates are too profane to be legal.

Sometimes a double-entendre can get through, and I suspect that bureaucrats can be too officious in making their censorship choices. But an official license plate isn’t a bumper sticker, and the state stamping something in aluminum and allowing it to become the official designator for a car seems like a case where the government should rightfully have a say.

A driver in Maine is objecting to his state’s decision to revoke his vanity plate for crossing the line, and while I am a free speech guy, in this case, I am 100% behind the decision made by the state.

Maine vegan forced to give up ‘LUVTOFU’ license plate in crackdown https://t.co/nsUoYVNd5f pic.twitter.com/RYBD04vkFk

— New York Post (@nypost) March 9, 2023

Maine vegan Peter Starostecki was forced to forfeit his “LUVTOFU” plate as a result of the state cracking down on tags deemed inappropriate.

For several years the state had allowed motorists to customize their plates with almost any combination of letters and numbers — including combinations that other states would ban.

Maine said that Starostecki’s “LUVTOFU” plate could have been seen as a sexual reference instead of a declaration of his adoration of the popular plant-based protein.

The “LUVTOFU” plates were one of 274 in total banned by the state of Maine this year. The state has rejected all appeals thus far, including one by Starostecki.

America has to make a stand against soy boys, and nothing says “soy boy” more than loving tofu.

I mean, what red-blooded American even likes tofu, no less loves it. It is tasteless, has a horrible texture, and makes men grow breasts without the intervention of an endocrinologist!

Tofu! He loves tofu! I bet he cycles too. There is something fishy about that.

Usually, I am leery of government bureaucrats overexercising their powers, especially to shut people up. And while a lot of bumper stickers use obscene language, we can all agree that there is a line that should not be crossed by the state itself. Vanity license plates are a privilege, not a right after all.

Maine had been allowing people to choose their vanity plates without censorship, and it was unsurprisingly a problem.

The Maine Legislature decided it had enough of the uncensored plates and directed the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to re-establish a system for vetting the state’s 120,000 vanity license plates.

The new system bans derogatory references to age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, religion or disability. It also bans language that incites violence or is considered obscene.

Secretary of State Shenna Bellows said that while she backs freedom of expression, motorists should use bumper stickers, not state-issued license plates to express themselves.

“We have a public interest in keeping phrases and words that are profane or may incite violence off the roadways,” she said.

And that, my friends, is the meat of the matter in this case. We all know that veganism is a farce; most vegans can’t even bring home the bacon, I suspect.

Starostecki may have a beef with the state’s decision, but the bureaucrats have the muscle to enforce their ruling. And if he doesn’t comply, they may have to send the pigs after him, although if they do he may go on the lamb. He would look like a turkey if he ran, though.

I suspect, though, that he is too chicken to fight. He is hunting for some legal reasoning to get around the decision, but if he pushes too hard he may be chucked in the pen. Although perhaps the judge would let him off if Starostecki buttered him up enough. I bet his chances would be about half and half. But if he loses, he could get creamed.

I do admire that, while upset about the decision, he isn’t having a cow about it. Instead, he is milking the story for all it is worth. Perhaps his fellow vegans are egging him on, wanting him to ham it up. If I get a chance to talk to him I will grill him about that.

I hope the Maine Secretary of State doesn’t back down. She didn’t make a mis-steak on this one.

That would really cheese me off because the original decision is the GOAT.