Science confirms: Conservatives are better looking

I mean, we all knew it even if we didn’t “know” it, you know? You remember those crowd shots at Hillary rallies. [flushing sound]

Jokes aside, there’s an economic explanation.

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A recently published study in the Journal of Public Economics concludes that the attractiveness of a candidate does correlate with their politics. They find that politicians on the right are more good looking in Europe, the United States and Australia.

The study shows correlation, not causation, but the researchers float a simple economic explanation for why this might happen. Numerous studies have shown that good-looking people are likely to earn more, and that people who earn more are typically more opposed to redistributive policies, like the progressive taxes and welfare programs favored by the left.

The researchers also offer a more general psychological explanation for the trend: That good-looking people are often treated better than others, and thus see the world as a more just place. Past studies have found that the more attractive people believe themselves to be, the lower their preference for egalitarianism, a value typically associated with the political left.

It’s only natural that the ugly should gravitate to the party of grievance and resentment — never mind that, er, all of the beautiful people at the Golden Globes the other night are diehard liberals. Also, given that Trump has reimagined the GOP as the party of the working man and the Democratic nominee was famously one of Wall Street’s favorite shills, maybe we’re due for a bit of partisan realignment on this metric too. If it’s true that good looks correlate with wealth and contentment with the status quo and it’s also true that the country-clubber “globalists” will increasingly vote Democratic as the GOP turns angry populist, we should logically expect some clock-stoppin’ homeliness among the attendees of CPAC 2040. The Republican leadership in Congress may in time come to be known colloquially as “the dog pound.” Instead of the likes of Megyn Kelly, Fox News primetime will feature a line-up of nothing but pasty middle-aged bros, errrrrrr….

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In other “sexy Republican” news, Trump’s inauguration planner said today that he wants the event to be defined by “the soft sensuality of the place.” Exit quotation: “We’re fortunate in that we have the greatest celebrity in the world, which is the president-elect.” Errrrrr…

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