You can write your own lame joke about Team Rand being non-interventionist in the face of Team Rubio’s muscular aggression, leading to this protracted media quagmire. Some gags are too lame even for a hack like me.

Paul staffer John Yob:

Last night I went to a bar on Mackinac Island for the GOP Mackinac Conference. I ran into a guy named Rich Beeson, who frankly I didn’t even know who it was at first because he isn’t relevant in our political world. Anyway, he is Marco Rubio’s national campaign manager. He literally physically assaulted me by punching me in the face. The state police are looking for him. I have it on video, from multiple angles. This will play out in the national media in the next few hours.

Here’s the “punch” at 0:15, which has most of the Twittersphere giggling:

https://twitter.com/ZekeJMiller/status/644895833540952065/video/1

Local cops, not the state police, are reportedly investigating. Yob wants Rubio to fire Beeson, formerly one of Mitt Romney’s top guys, for the assault; neither Rubio nor Paul have said anything publicly yet. More from Politico:

Yob ensured that national media had additonal details. Asked for proof of the incident, Yob sent a cell phone photo of Beeson flipping him off, with both hands, and promised video of the punch later. Security video purporting to show the incident began circulating on social media late Friday morning.

I want to know what happened to set Beeson off. Did Yob say something to him that he knew was sure to enrage a Rubio staffer, like “secure the border” or “we can’t intervene everywhere”? Or was Yob extra nasty because he saw that Gravis poll yesterday and realizes that Rand Paul is a dead man walking when it comes to the presidential campaign? Stand by for updates. In the meantime, your exit quotation:

I am calling on Rand Paul to fire John Yob for pressing charges for a slap.

— Matt Mackowiak (@MattMackowiak) September 18, 2015