Unspeakably terrible, as all attempts at writing a song about Hillary must be. It’s like writing a song about Microsoft: The product is mediocre on its best day, but through some mix of luck and ruthlessness, it’s turned itself into an American institution. You respect it mostly for its staying power. Perhaps you’ve even given it money, for no better reason than that this is the system we have and you might as well work within it. What you do not do, if you’re a normal human with normal emotions, is wax rhapsodic about it. And if something goes badly wrong in your life and you do find yourself moved to song, you certainly don’t choose a genre of music popular in heartland America to express it. The whole point of Hillary’s 2016 campaign is that she’s not heartland. She’s a Beltway dinosaur who’s been in orbit around the presidency for decades. She’s fabulously rich. She’s amassed endless political favors. She has an enemies list, for cripes sake. Even after spending years living in Arkansas, she can’t fake a southern accent without people laughing at her. You don’t vote for Hillary because she’s a down-home gal, you vote for her because her long experience in Washington suggests she can get things done, unlike the disappointing naif Obama.

And good lord — if you’re going to stoop to this, wouldn’t you want your lyrics to be a little less cheesy? I realize it’s hard finding extraordinary attributes about Hillary Clinton, but c’mon:

Like the women in my life
She’s a mother, a daughter, and through it all
She’s a loving’ wife
Hooooo there is somethin’ ‘bout her
This great lady

If you wanted to write a song about her “achievements,” realistically what could you have said? “She tried real hard to pass HillaryCare / Racked up damn near a million miles in the air”? Sounds like presidential material to me.

As bad as it is, I can’t say it’s worse than the Elizabeth Warren folk song. Exit question via Jonah Goldberg: Who exactly is the target audience for a country song about Hillary? We’re 48 hours away from white southern Democrats going extinct, you know.