In a touching homage to Mother Earth, Americans elected to responsibly recycle two used presidential candidates for use in the upcoming election.

"Most old presidential candidates get tossed in the trash can to be sent to a landfill to slowly decompose until they're forgotten and irrelevant. It's time for a new way," said environmental scientist Dr. Wayne Flerd. "We couldn't be happier to see not one, but two former candidates being given new life despite being way past their expiration dates."

Sources claim that if successful, this could lead to more recycling of other things, such as Congressmen, political theories, and movie franchises. "The possibilities are endless," said Dr. Flerd.

"What? I'm not being recycled! What am I, a bottle?" yelled recycled presidential candidate Biden to a potted plant while waiting in line at Jeni's Ice Cream. "You'd better take that back before I punch your face and use it as a monkeyboy blanket for my libberfezguzzit flermbludder! Where's Jill?"